HAPPY BIRTHDAY John, here are ten reasons why you should feel proud that you are now 19...

10: The word "nine-teen" is an anagram for happiness if you are a really bad speller.
9: Elvis's sideburns were 19 inches long!
8: The number of girlfriends Grayson has had as of 4/10/94 is 19. Coincidence? I think NOT!
7: Number of Dairy Queen employees who have lost their jobs because of customers' complaints that pepper shakers were upside-down.... (19!)
6: Now that you're 19, one year more mature, maybe you'll have the courage to witness an R-rated movie, or if not, perhaps a particularly filthy PG-13 movie.
5: 10,000 years ago, living to be 19 was considered to be quite an achievement. However, of course, 10,000 years ago, successfully picking your nose was also a major achievement...
4: Remember, just because you're 19 doesn't mean you can't still heat up a bowl of nachos, then put on a fencing mask and attempt to eat the nachos through the mask, all the while screaming, "Help! I can't fit the nachos through the mask! OH MY GOD! I'm going to starve to death, aren't I!?!"
3: Computer game my @!#&!, bring out the beer and loose women!
2: You lucky dog, you made it through your sexual peak with no paternity suits.
1: Many scholars believe it was actually the 19 voyages of Sinbad, rather than the earlier proposed number of seven. Also, Sinbad has been found to be a scrawny white boy rather than a mediocre stand-up comic with a family sitcom on FOX.

Brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Matt Woelk and his studly sidekick Victor Martinez.